Gratitude, Joy, & Quarantine
/A few weeks ago, I was in what scientists call "a funk". It was the sort that had no real grievance to report, technically speaking, but was more of a general angst about everything.
“The root of joy is gratefulness... It is not that joy makes us grateful; it is that gratitude makes us joyful.”
Perhaps it was most specifically about being quarantined; not necessarily a state mandated quarantine, but more of a "I have 2 kids and a third on the way and don't want to risk getting COVID and also leaving the house is hard anyways" kind.
Whatever the cause, I did get to a point where I fell so far down the "sneaky hate spiral"
that I sent ye age old "SOS text" to my fellow mom friends. The gist was "I'm miserable and I don't like being a stay at home mom anymore. There's no joy. No hope. Goodbye."
They were all very kind and gracious and told me they understood and I wasn't the worlds worst mom (phew). That night I told my husband the same general angst, and he responded in tandem with above mom-friends.
But the funk persisted. I felt out of it AND angry that nobody was fixing me.
Then I went full circle through the spiral and came out on the other end. It quickly and harshly occurred to me that... "I'm the problem".
I'm notoriously hard on myself, as my therapist and anyone that knows me intimately would tell you, but this wasn't exactly my inner critic speaking up. It had an air of truth and yet release. In that moment, lying in bed pouting at the world and my mundane life, the cold hard truth struck me: all there was to do was snap out of it.
I know from loved ones and my own experience with depression that this isn't always possible. It's not always as easy to just "get over it", but this time- mercifully- it was.
The realization that I had to find a way to shake it off was put into action the very next morning. I didn't know exactly where to start, so I think I searched "attitude adjustment" on google. This may or may not be true. Somehow it dawned on me (probably through my incessant reading of personal growth books) that I should start with perspective. Okay fine, but I knew I needed a more concrete practice to put into play.
Gratitude instantly came to mind. I've dabbled in gratitude in the past and it always helped bring out the best in life and in me, but if I'm being honest, I never found a way to do it that didn't also kind of annoy me. This time, I knew I needed a lazy way to practice gratitude if I was going to stick with it.
Almost instinctively, I ran downstairs and found some cute stationary in my office. I did a search on Pinterest for "Gratitude Journal Prompts" and found about 6 I liked, wrote each one on a notecard with colorful markers, and taped them around my house like the grown up entrepreneur, mother, and woman I am. I focused on areas that I spent the most time lingering at- above my kitchen sink, the bathroom mirror (#pottytraining) and above light switches throughout our main level.
All this to say- it worked. And quite quickly. Within about a day, I was feeling more aware of how much I did have to be happy about. Yes I was stuck at home, but I can watch tv with my kids (who are healthy) whenever I want. We can blast music and dance at the drop of a hat. I can take time to write a blog about gratitude because I'm self-employed. I can work or not work as I will because of the nature of my business. I realized how free I really am. Though feeling confined does take its toll, I started focusing more on how much I could do even now than how much was different or harder now. Beyond the immediate feeling of relief that I'm not near as trapped as I thought I was, gratitude spilled into everything else- how lucky we are that my husband had a nearly COVID-proof, stable job that pays well. That he gets to come home every night, and that his employer took great lengths to help keep their staff safe. That the people I love are close by, and that I wasn't worried about our older loved-ones ability to get medical care if they became ill. It just keeps going like that. There was suddenly so much in my life that was simply amazing, and I don't want to sound annoying, but my days really did feel alight with goodness, happiness, and love.
So friends, while I'm not saying that all mental angst can be handled through notecards with gratitude prompts scribbled on them (I still have a wonderful therapist I meet with monthly), I would say that it's worth a try to see if it can take the edge off. (P.s- I did end up purchasing a 5 minute gratitude journal, and am now loving my gratitude journal routine. You can find the one I have here.)
Happy Holidays, and here's to finding a real-life practice of giving thanks as much as we can.
