Recently, I (Sam) have been a little more open than usual about my personal journey with therapy. On a few social media posts, and in a few personal conversations, I’ve found my story tumbling out.

The long and short of it is that after more than a handful of debilitating stress induced migraines, I found myself in weekly and biweekly therapy. The real kind- not a self help book, or an app, but a real live therapist asking me probing questions like “how old do you feel when you say that?”. Though I’ve done therapy in the past, this time has been so different in all the right ways. I’ve been ready in some new way, to really wade through this… life. To not keep hiding the shame. To bring up… on purpose… the pains and the hurts and find new ways to see them, to remember them, and to sometimes let them go. To say this journey so far has been healing would be an incredible understatement.

So, to my dismay, when this comes up in personal conversations, it’s often met with something along the lines of, “yeah I did therapy for a while… it didn’t really help me.”

While I don’t think everybody necessarily needs therapy or counseling, I think 99.9% of people can greatly benefit from it. And those of us that super DO need it through certain seasons or for ongoing maintenance … it’s nothing short of a lifeline. In my experience, finding a good therapist is what may make all the difference. That’s why I asked my actual therapist, Laura Longville of Walking In Grace to help us all with something we may not have even thought important before this: how does one find a good therapist?

(My disclaimer here is that I think all therapists are “good” in one way or another, so this question really is be “How do I find the right therapist for me?”.)

Here’s the insightful thoughts of our guest blogger, Laura:

I can’t handle this anymore. I’m going nuts. My stomach burns and churns, my body aches like I’ve got the worst case of the flu and I wish I could stop the ruminating and regurgitation of my thoughts! I think I need help.

Do you have thoughts similar to these? Have you tried everything to feel better?

Are you thinking about reaching out for help, professional help?

This can be one of the most important AND scary steps you take. It’s smart to take the time and research your best choice for a Therapist, Psychologist or Psychiatrist.

Do you remember how much time you spent researching the purchase of your first car? I bet you took the time to read the Consumer Reports to find out the best options for you and test-drove several cars.

Do you recall the time it took to find the right apartment or home to live in. You pondered what neighborhood you longed to live in, investigated the perfect schools for your kids and considered the work commutes. All are top considerations when choosing the perfect home.

Unfortunately, most people don’t spend half as much time choosing their therapist. Think about how important it is to have the right fit. After all, you will most likely share things with this person that you haven’t shared with others. You’re seeking their expertise to your problems.

With this in mind, it’s vitally important to take the time to interview potential Therapists, Counselors, Psychologists and Psychiatrists. Whether you are struggling with the challenges of a pandemic, mental illness, addiction or family problems, having the appropriate person on your team is essential to your health.

I’ve worked as a therapist for over 34 years and I’ve only had 1 person interview me to see if I was the right fit for her. I think this is sad and it happens for many reasons.

I encourage people to ask a potential therapist these questions. Take into consideration the answers to the specific questions but also take into account how they answer the questions.
Can you even get past the administrative assistant to talk with the therapist? If it’s challenging to do so, keep asking for the therapist to talk with you before you make an appointment.
Do they seem open to answering the questions or are they annoyed?
Does he or she seem relatable? Does the conversation flow easily? Does it feel like you could be honest and real with them?
Do they share any of their own humanness? Do they share a little of their own personal experience?
Do you feel understood after talking with them?

1) What kind of specialized training have you received in the area that I need help with? Anxiety, Autism, OCD, paranoia, fear, Addictions etc.

Examples:

If I’m struggling in my marriage, what kind of training have you had? What is your approach to this problem?
If I don’t know what my problem is or don’t know how to sort through what’s happening with me, how can you help me?

2) What is your opinion and approach to mental illness and addiction? Does this line up with your thoughts? Ask them questions about what is important to you.

When I hire my own therapist (yes, therapists need therapists too!) Do they have experience in counseling other therapists? (I need someone who can call me on my stuff!)

Other things you might consider asking. I want to know if they believe in the 12-step approach? Do they think addiction a disease? How do they help a couple that is yelling at each other in the office?

3) Where, when and who do you refer out to? What you’re listening for is, do they have team members or referrals to therapists with expertise that could help is certain situations. Maybe you need family counseling and sometimes, there is the need for a separate therapist for the children.

Maybe the therapist doesn’t feel confident in treating a specific illness, so they would make a referral to someone with more experience.

Does the therapist have physicians, psychiatrists or psychologists that they work with as a team? You would want a therapist to have such a team approach to your care.

4) How will you know when we’re finished with counseling? An answer something like this is helpful……”You, (the person seeking the counseling) determine the goals for therapy and we work together to reach those goals. I think it becomes a mutual decision about when we are complete. I have people who have reached their goals return to counseling later for other reasons. People may need different levels of care, at difference times, based upon their needs?

Sometimes programs for addictions or other mental health issues have predetermined lengths of treatment. For example, outpatient chemical dependency treatments maybe 6-8 weeks in length or a CBT group may be 6 months in length. Ask more questions about what happens in these types of groups.

5) What are your policies about scheduling appointments, missed appointments, fees and client responsibilities? They should have a clearly defined explanation in written form for you to discuss and sign.

6) If Spirituality is important to you, ask them, “ How do you support the concept of a spiritual component to the therapeutic process?” Does the answer support or detract from your needs?

7) What do you like about your job?

8) Why did you choose this career path? Sometimes therapists will share that they have a family member with mental illness or addiction, or they have issues themselves and sought out therapy. If they do not share this openly, It’s OK to ask them, “ May I ask a personal question?” If they respond with a yes, ask, “Have you been in therapy yourself?” If they respond yes, ask, “Tell me what was helpful in therapy for you.”

As you are asking these questions you can also take into considerations some of these thoughts.

Is there a sense of humor?
Does the therapist seem to have access to a full range of emotions?
Does it seem like I could be myself and talk openly with this person?
Do I feel safe and comfortable with them?
Do they seem to be open to sharing a little of themselves with me?

As you review the answers to the questions, consider your gut reaction as well. Don’t let someone talk you into hiring someone you aren’t’ comfortable with. On the other hand, it’s easy to discount and find fault in people when you are nervous, afraid and uncertain.